You are the best moment of my life
by Dean-Dwarfchester
Summary: Bilbo loved the Lhûn River, and the best moments of his life happened next to it. Hello!Another one, am I going too fast?This just hit me one day and I had to write it down, though I dunno if I'm cut to be a multi-chapter writer!Please comment, it makes me improve my writting, please, don't be shy :D I'm clumsy and had a mistake when posting chapter 2, sorry, it's ok now tho :]
1. Boats and stolen fish

Bilbo loved the water. The fresh smell of wet ground, the warmth in the air in summer and cool breeze in winter. Ever since he was a little boy, if he had finished all his vegetables and brushed his teeth, he would run to the shore of the Bywater, and played elves and orcs with the little wooden figures his father made for him. Sometimes he pretended he'd go to the undying lands after having a big adventure, fighting evil creatures, helping knights and warriors. One morning,his father woke him up earlier than usual.

"Whoot iz it da?"

"It's your birthday,little one!"

Excitement spreaded through Bilbo, sleepiness leaving him with all the never-ending energy 5 years old give you.

"I have a present for you Bilbo" His father smiled to him, all love and amusement at the bouncing little halfling. "Get ready and come down, little one, hurry!"

He left the room after kissing his son, and Bilbo changed (or attempted to) into cleaner clothes. Before he went out his mother came in and after a hugging and kissing attack she helped her small son to change properly. "Are you excited sweet heart?"

"Aye!Am I gonn get zweets ma?"

"Yes honey!" Belladonna laughed, her child's own laughter warming her entire being.

They went out the hobbit hole they owned under a large hill, and met Bungo and Brim, Bilbo's older brother. The eldest son went towards his brother and hugged him tight.

"Happy birthday, ferret!"

"I'm not a fewet, geroffme!" Bilbo giggled into his brother's embrace.

The small family was making arranges, though Bilbo didn't know for what. He was growing restless, his father had said he had a present for him, yet he could see nothing that looked like one and everyone seemed too busy to make this day look like his birthday. Delicious scents came from the kitchen but his ma refused to give him sweets, his father and brother were packing stuff but they wouldn't stop to play with him. Bilbo sat on the bench in their front garden and pouted until Bungo took him in his arms.

"We're ready, little one, are you?"

"I wantz my present da!"

"Let's go for it then!"

The sun was set in the sky already, leaving the night behind while the Bagginses crossed the Shire towards the shore of the Lhûn River. Bilbo was shrieking with excitement when they went out of the Shire and their journey seemed further away than the usual strolls he took with his ma. The breeze was warm and it carried the smell of the food his mom carried in a basket and Bilbo wanted to get in it and eat all of it. Brim covered Bilbo's eyes and they lead him to his present.

"Open your eyes" Bilbo did and he gasped. A boat. A beautiful silver and white sailing boat, with sails the colour or Bilbo's eyes. In golden letters a huge "Bag End" was written in the front.

"Iz mine?!"

"Of course little one!" Bilbo was frozen in the spot with excitement and Brim had to carry him towards the boat. He was laughing loudly and Bungo set everything to sail the boat. It was the best birthday present Bilbo had ever gotten. His family with him, the clear water, whole new sights, Mountains and tall trees, around them. Bilbo felt warm and it wasn't because of the sun above. No,it was his family, his father wrinkled eyes with smiles, his mother's kisses and delicious honey bread, his brother's laughter while playing with Bilbo. He was scarcely 5 years old and Bilbo knew he needed nothing else to be happy. They spent the whole day in the boat, and when the sky was beginning to turn a caramel shade of pink, Bilbo pouting, they returned to the shore and to their hobbit hole.

It had been the most perfect day in Bilbo's life. And they had no day like that in many years.

The world was turning dark, and even if the hobbits were oblivious of the evil forming in the east, said evil knew well of every race in middle earth. They knew of the kind-hearted hobbits of the Shire, and they knew of the small acts of love that could draw evil away. So they would try and destroy the spirit of the hobbits, with evil magic they would make the Thain in turn to divide friendships and family bonds between te Shire inhabitants, they would make negotiations hard and working hours longer. Greed would make its way through the warm hearts of the hobbits. And Bilbo's parents, though never faltering in their love towards each other and their children, lost their bakery to the Thain and had to find whatever job that was available. They had to work for long hours, unable to have breakfast with their kids, or to help them with their homeworks, or to watch them grow up.

Brim and Bilbo had only each other and the brief glimpses of their parents at nights.

Soon, Brim was old enough to start working, so Bilbo was left alone, with his little boat and the Lhûn to cheer him up. He'd go to it when he finished his homework, his vegetables, and had brushed his teeth. He'd pretend he could sail to the undying lands with his family, all warmth and happiness like before, and never come back.

In the morning of his thirtieth birthday, his father's voice broke into his dreams of white sand and salty breeze.

"What is it da?"

"It's your birthday little one"

"It is, so?" Bilbo was used to waking up to find the house empty on his birthday, so his father waking him up this time scared him a bit. His brother had started working at the age of 33, and they money the three were making was little, so Bilbo's father could be here to tell him he had to work too, and he wouldn't be able to sail anymore, he would be deprived of the only happiness he had these days.

"I have a surprise for you, get ready quick!" Bungo kissed his son and left the room, leaving Bilbo confused and with his cheek burning. He hadn't received a kiss in such a long time, and a tiny spark of hope lit up in his heart.

He changed into clean clothes really quick and went out of his room to the smell of honey and cinnamon. His mother was in the kitchen, baking and putting sweet rolls in a basket. Her tired eyes smiled at him, and it even looked weird, for she hadn't done that in years. Brim and Bungo were packing table clothes and water outside and Bilbo couldn't help but bounce happily to help them. They would sail on Bag End, he knew it, and sure enough, when all was ready, they headed to the shore. Bag End sparkled in the sunlight, it looked as if it was happy to see the whole family ready to sail him again too. It's sails caressed Bilbo's cheek and he felt as if his heart would stop.

They went far into the River, laughing and sharing distant memories. Bilbo noticed with an aching heart how old and tired his parents seem. Age had creeped into their once young and full of life features too early. His brother's laughter once deep and substantial, as if you could touch it, sounded raspy and unreal. But he had them, for this once, the Thain ill and not able to punish the hobbits for skipping their jobs, he had them and he would take what he was given. They day was over sooner than later and they went back to their routine.

One day, Bilbo came back from school, he cooked his supper and made his homework, the dull ache in his chest too familiar to pay any mind to it. He brushed his teeth because his mother would never approve his teeth in other state than clean, and went to the shore to his beloved Bag End. He sat on the deck, looking towards the river mouth to the Grey Havens, sighing, trying to make out the smell of salt in the air.

A loud yell came from behind. Bilbo turned abruptly and almost fell because no one ever came to the shore anymore. A dark small figure was running towards him. Loud threats came from far behind and the figure fastened its pace. When it was nearer, Bilbo could make out that the figure was that of a boy, a dwarven boy, with long hair and sharp blue eyes, panting and carrying something heavy in his arms.

"I'M GONNA SKIN YOU WHEN I GET YOU BOY!" The threats were getting louder and nearer, and Bilbo was frozen, fear building inside of him.

"Help me!" the dwarven boy was suddenly next to him and Bilbo could only stare in surprise. The boy growled and mounted into the sailing boat, ducking quickly and pulling Bilbo down with him, covering both of them with the old sails. "Don't make a sound" he whispered, and Bilbo wasn't going to really, so he frowned at the boy .

They heard the man the threats belonged to come nearer, puffing and panting and cursing. They felt him look inside the boat and go away screaming murder to the air. They waited a bit longer until nothing but their breaths and the calm sway of the boat could be heard.

"Pfff that was near" the dwarven boy's voice was deep, and it made Bilbo 's breath hitch. "What are you still doing down there? He's gone!"

Bilbo frowned again and got up, not accepting the boy's hand, he could do it alone, thanks!

"Why was here in the first place?"

"I don't know, people are crazy these days!"

"Men do not come this far normally."

"Nor do Hobbits." said the boy mockingly.

"Well, no, but, that man was obviously angry, if promises of skinning you are proof of it, and I'm sorry if that makes me unwelcoming." Bilbo grunted at the boy, not really liking his tone, as if he was better than any living creature. Sure, he held himself high, even if he smelled strongly of fish and had many soot stains covering his robes, his hair not really helping, looking as if it could command the wind in a perfectly synchronized dance.

"He's a man, those folk are always angry"

"Are they?" Bilbo asked honestly curious and this made the boy laugh."What?"

"Are you serious?"

"I am"

"Well...you are...Have you never seen a man before?"

"In books, I have, why?"

"Have you ever been out of this place, Hobbit?"

"I've never needed to, is that a problem?"

"No, it's just weird" Bilbo frowned, yet again at the boy. "Hey, don't get angry, it's not my fault!"

"What's weird about it?"

"Everyone needs to go out! Even if you don't have a real purpose for it, you need to, to distract yourself, to escape!"

"Escape?From what?"

The boy stuttered."Why are you in this boat?"

"It's mine"

"Why don't you sail away?"

"Sail away where?"

"Oh, then, why don't you sell it?"

"I don't wan to"

"You are weird" Bilbo puffed. He wasn't weird, the boy was weird, with his long hair and his heavy boots.

"What are you doing here, dwarf?"

"Thorin" said the boy proudly, chin up and eyes glinting.

"What are you doing here, Thorin?"

Thorin smiled teasingly, and it didn't make Bilbo blush, it didn't really! "I came to get food"

"You came to fish?"

"No, I don't fish."

"Then?"

"I-" Thorin looked ashamed, and he turned his gaze down. "Well, we have no money! And my siblings need to eat!" He said in a tone that sounded as an excuse, as if apologizing to Bilbo.

"What did you do?" his voice was shaky, Dwarves were known to be violent after all.

"Don't give me that look, I didn't murder anyone!"

"Of course you didn't, but what did you do?"

"I-I stole fish or two, from the market. That man was the owner, and he spotted me."

"Oh" Well that wasn't that bad, was it? Bilbo knew things were hard everywhere, you didn't need to travel much to know it, and there was the dragon legend, that said one of the worms had taken away the Lonely Mountain from the great Dwarven King Under the Mountain. Bilbo didn't know if it was really true, it was mostly to scare hobbit children and keep them from leaving the Shire, but for all he knew, Thorin could be one of the many exiled dwarves living in Ered Luin. "Do you-do you need help cleaning the scales off?"

Thorin looked at him surprised "Yes,thank you"

"I'm Bilbo" he smiled warmly at Thorin, who smiled back looking as if he had been offered a Mountain for himself.

Bilbo went quickly to his house to take the tools to clean the fish. It was getting dark when they were done, and the time had gone so quick, both boys feeling so comfortable around each other.

"Thanks, Bilbo, you saved much work and a mess, my little brother and sister would have wanted to help me!"

"I'm glad I helped"

"I should head back, it's a bit far and they must be hungry and probably burning the house"

"Oh,um, sure" For some reason, Bilbo was disappointed and didn't want Thorin to go.

"Um"Thorin was hesitant and stuttered through his words, which looked weird in the dwarf's demeanor, the majestic Thorin radiated faltering quick under Bilbo's gaze."Do, er, do you, you know, come here much?"

"I do, every day"

"Oh, erm, and, do you think, it's ok if you don't want to, but, may I, come to see you?"

"Oh!" Bilbo blushed and shivered and couldn't help the ridiculous giggle that escaped his mouth."Yes, I would be happy that you did!"

Thorin's smile lit his face in the dark of the night. They climbed down from the boat and walked to the road that took them one to the Shire and the other to the Blue Mountains.

"See you tomorrow Bilbo!"

"Yes, see you Thorin"

Thorin lingered his gaze for a while before starting towards his home. Bilbo stayed there with his heart racing for a while and then left to the Shire. He went to sleep ignoring the heavy environment that settled in his house every night when his family got home. The aching in his chest lessened a little, he was smiling, he had something else to look forward to now.


	2. I'll be here to hold your hand

Next day passed too slowly for Bilbo's taste. When his class was dismissed, he was sure he had pushed some of his classmates to the ground, but he had no time nor the wish to stay and check. He ran to his house, just wanting to get to his boat as soon as possible. _Thorin will arrive later, though_ he thought. So he relaxed a bit and sat down on a chair next to the stove in his kitchen. He would cook a larger meal today, for more than just one person. He reckoned Thorin would be hungry, and his little siblings as well, and he knew how much dwarves ate, his da told him once, when dwarves came to the Shire to discuss trading, a pair of them came into the bakery and bought all the cakes and sweet bread that was available.

He fetched what he needed from the pantry and the small orchard they had outside and set to it. He would of course buy again all that he used, his relatives used to send him money on his birthdays and he had decided to save it for an emergency, and three hungry dwarves could be counted as an emergency right? He cooked rabbit stew with potatoes and mushroom gravy, he baked cinnamon rolls with sugar frosting and he prepared strawberry water. He put some of it aside for his family for later, and put the rest in a basket. He brushed his teeth and set out under the sun towards the river, his heart lighter at the image of Thorin against the wide sky, the breeze playing between his long dark hair and tickling his short beard. He arrived and the boat was alone, sitting on the shore. He sat there looking at the grey line of the horizon for a while, when a hand tapped his shoulder

"Oh!" He fell backwards, a pair o strong arms held him before he hit the ground.

"Be carefull!You are far too easy to scare, Halfling!"

Bilbo grunted and arranged himself. Thorin was smirking at him. "What?"

"Oof touchy, nothing, I'm just staring at you, Hobbit"

"My name is Bilbo..."

"I know that..."

"So call me that"

"No"

"What do you mean no?"

"That I won't!I don't want to!"

Bilbo eyed Thorin furiously. The dwarf may be dreamy to the eye but he was a little pain when he opened his mouth.

Thorin let out a roar of laughter. "You also get angry very quickly"

"Well, you are annoying and that tends to make people angry,Thorin"

Thorin chuckled "Nonsense, I'm charming. What's that basket for?"

"Oh, well, I cooked us a nice meal, figured we could eat together, and, you know, you could take some to your brother and sister, there's sweet rolls and strawberry water" Bilbo said all this blushing and smiling and not looking at Thorin.

The dwarf stared at Bilbo with wide eyes for a moment before shaking his head and frowning. "Do you pity us, Hobbit?"

"What?!No!I just, well, I know what's it like to lack money and food, and, I wanted to share my meal with you!But if you don't want to I can-"

"Thank you" The dwarf grunted, turning away.

Bilbo looked at Thorin feeling slightly angry. Stupid dwarf, Bilbo had never said a thing about pity, haven't thought about it, and he wanted to eat with Thorin. The older boy beckoned Bilbo to the boat and they settled a tablecloth Bilbo had brought with him on one of the seats the boat had.

"This smells delicious." Thorin's tone was honest, and Bilbo's anger lessened.

"Thank you"

"Did you cook it by yourself?"

"Yes"

"Do you do that often?"

"Indeed"

They enjoyed themselves, feasting as if they were royalty, joking, Thorin teasing Bilbo to no end, the young arrogant dwarf with heavy bags under his eyes, lighting his mood with Bilbo's frowning and laughing.

Bilbo noticed that, something he had not realised before, Thorin looked very tired, a heavy weight always on his back, his tense movements even when enjoying a good meal with Bilbo, and he wanted to ask the dwarf what his problem was, but he did not want to intrude, so he settled for making the boy smile and laugh, wich was benefiting for the little Hobbit as well. Many days they spent this way. Sometimes Thorin would bring food as well, and they'd share. Every day they spent together, Bilbo learned a new thing about his friend, and so did Thorin. Bilbo learned about braiding hair and beards, Thorin learned about flower picking and second breakfasts. He taught Bilbo a thing or two about fighting, and Bilbo returned the favour teaching Thorin about gardening.

Sometimes, though, Thorin wouldn't come. Sometimes for weeks, sometimes just for a couple of days, but it made Bilbo feel heavy and have trouble swallowing. The days after his disappearances, Thorin would always look older and sour, though Bilbo stopped asking after a few months of getting just growls and glares from his Dwarf friend. If Thorin wanted to talk about it with Bilbo, he would. But also, he stopped asking out of fear of learning a truth that might change their friendship drastically.

A year or so after that, Bilbo received the most awful news. The Thain had yet again increased prices and lowered salaries, so the money Bilbo's parents and brother were making was not enough anymore for even the most basic stuff. So Brim, cheerful bright-eyed Brim, had to leave the Shire to look for a job in a Men village. He was taken by a Big Folk who bought Bilbo's boat from his parents, _Ye never know when you'll need to cross a large river, or even the ocean_ he had said. He forbid Bilbo from touching his property ever again, and Bilbo felt his heart break at the sight of his brother disappearing in the distance and of his boat standing all alone on the shore.

"Bilbo,what is it?"

"Th-thorin!" He collapsed into the older boy's arms. Thorin whispered soothing words to Bilbo, kissing between his light curls and rubbing his back gently. When Bilbo was able to speak again, Thorin demanded he told him what had happened. "It's my brother. He was taken to a Man village far away from here, further even than Bree, he's gone Thorin! I fear he's gone forever! Oh Thorin, will I ever see him again!?"

Thorin swallowed, furious. He couldn't stand to see Bilbo, his sweet Bilbo , in this state. Though, the young Dwarf knew he could do nothing to help his little friend, he had been once a Prince, but now, he was just a Dwarf kid, holding a defenseless Hobbit kid tight. "I'm so sorry Bilbo"

"He bought my boat too!"

"You sold Bag End?"

"My father did, we needed the money, I don't blame him"

Both kids fell silent for a while, the same thoughts swimming in their heads. So many moments shared in that sailing boat, so many yet to be shared, its wooden walls held their laughter, the secrets whispered to each other, the warm gazes under the sunset and red stained sky.

"Is he taking it too?"

"No, he wants it just in case he needs it"

"We can still come in the nights, you know? Have dinner together" Thorin rubbed his nose on Bilbo's head, not really paying attention to the gesture, as it felt so natural, like everything else he did with Bilbo. The Hobbit loved these intimate moments they sometimes had, and he let himself wander through his thoughts, where Thorin loved him as something else than just a friend, where he knew nothing else would matter, for he had a strong Dwarf to protect him and his family.

"Yes, we can" His voice did not hide the small smile behind it, knowing they would find a way.

And they did. For a few years they would meet in the same spot deep in the night. Thorin always carrying a sword in case anything might attack him on his way, Bilbo feeling terribly guilty for it was Thorin risking his life to see him. And yet, there were times when Thorin wouldn't come, appearing days after with bruises, sometimes not talking about anything at all, others snapping at everything Bilbo said or did, only soothing in the Hobbit's patient and warm embrace.

One night, on Bilbo's 33rd birthday, he and Thorin were cuddled in the boat, staring at the moon reflecting in the water.

"What are you thinking about Thorin?"

The dwarf did not answer for a while, and Bilbo could feel him thinking harder and stiffening with each passing second

"What?"

"I-Bilbo, what I'm going to tell you is very important and intimate, and I want to tell you that if you do not reciprocate, it is quite fine, but please do not tease me or give me any kind of false hope, for I am being true" Thorin said this solemnly and Bilbo's breath was quickening, his eyes widening. Serious piercing blue eyes were staring into his panicking honey ones, as if looking for any hint of mockery in Bilbo's eyes. He just nodded once so that Thorin continued. The dwarf sighed heavily, and turned to look at his friend. "Bilbo, I have wanted to tell you this for so long, and haven't found the right words to do it, but I've realised, you don't really need the right words as long as you are true to the feeling, and I am. I felt it when we met but I couldn't point exactly what it was. And it grew in my chest, I knew it was because of you. I feel heavy, and tired, most of the time, but when I'm with you, it goes away, and I feel as if I've just waken from the best night of sleep there can be. And one day, it hit me. It felt like i was choking, like I'd never be alright anymore. And somehow,I knew it, I knew it was because we weren't together, because I wasn't listening to you laughing or talking nor seeing your annoyed frowns, your eyes always looking at me with wonder and fondness, and always that small sparkle of something I long to know about, and yet fear in case it's not what I desire. I knew in that moment, Bilbo Baggins, that I would never be able to be okay again, if I wasn't next to you."

All of Bilbo's surroundings turned into water. He knew nothing of the world around except for the Dwarf he loved infront of him, looking at him expectant and anxious. He was very aware of the deep flush that painted his entire face and of his breaths that came out rasply and of his eyes wide and his body shaking. He knew he must look ridiculous to Thorin, who even after telling Bilbo of his affections, managed to look regal. And that gave Bilbo confidence. That was what helped him to go on every day, no matter how lonely he was back home even with his parents in the room next to his, Thorin's strength and never-ending courage settled in Bilbo's heart and made him be strong for Thorin too. He was aware of how much good the Dwarf made him and he never wanted Thorin to leave his side. He loved Thorin, he had loved him for such a long time now. And all the feelings Bilbo was having in that moment, the feelings he had carried all this time, afraid to make them known by the Dwarf in case Thorin did not feel the same way, didn't come out as words, Thorin could only make them out from looking deep into Bilbo's eyes, collecting all of them as if they were the most precious gems in the world. Thwy were meant to be seen only by Thorin, and the Dwarf kept them deep and safe in his heart.

So both kids, feeling less old than they had in years, leaned closer to each other, caressing every single part of the other that they could reach, not wanting to be an inch apart, anticipation building inside the pair until the air was so dense outside the small wall they had built around them, they had to share their breaths, as if both their lives depended on it. Kissing in perfect synch, it appeared as if they had done it a million times, every concavity matching every convexity, claiming it its own. Flavors mixing, different scents getting together forming new ones, textures making them both alive, skin burning, breaths growing heavier, ears buzzing, world swirling. Greedily, demanding, rough meeting tender, they complemented each other in every way. Red, sweet lips turning into one, giving them new purpose, they would live for and thanks to each other, no matter what.

One of the best memories Bilbo would ever hold deep and dear in his mind and soul, next to the River, under the moon.


	3. I left but not forever

Good things, once they made themselves known, don't last for long.

After the first of many kisses the boys shared, both deep and furiously in love with one another, the problems that burdened them back home were of no import to them, as long as they were together.

Bungo and Belladonna were home that evening when their younger son came back from his job at the local library. The money Brim had been sending them had been of much help to the Bagginses, so Bilbo took just a minor job.

"Ma!Da! Is everything alright?"

Belladonna started crying softly at his son's small smile, and Bungo eyed him seriously. He didn't know his parents anymore, and that made him extremely sad.

"Son, we have something important to tell you"

"Yes, da, what is it?"

Bungo sighed before turning to look at his sobbing wife and back to Bilbo, gaze intent and dark.

"Bilbo, we're losing our house."

It strucked Bilbo hard in the chest, spreading poison through his body. _losing the house_ It couldn't be, it just couldn't.

"Wh-what?"

"The Sackville-Bagginses offered us a fair price, son, and we are short of money and your brother could use our help in the village. We have to move with him Bilbo, and try our luck, may it be better, there."

No. It couldn't, just no. Bilbo belonged here, to the Shire, between Bree and the Blue Mountains, with forests and the Lhûn River. He belonged with Thorin.

Thorin, his love, his stubborn infuriating Dwarf, the light of his life. He didn't want to lose him. He didn't want Thorin to lose him. His father rubbed a tear off his cheek, Bilbo not even realising when his father had moved nor when he had started crying. Every sound was distant and his father looked like a stranger.

"Little one-"

"NO!I'm not leaving, I'm NOT LEAVING!"

He stormed out of the hobbit hole, his home, what he had known his whole life, where he felt save when he was not in the embrace of...

"THORIN!"

The Dwarf boy ran towards his Halfling at the broken scream that begged for him.

"Bilbo!What happened?"

"Don't let go off me, ever!"

"I won't, Bilbo, you know that. Tell me, what happened my love?"

Bilbo sobbed into Thorin's chest. "My p-parents, they, th-they sold-d my hom-e. We're l-l-leaving, Thorin"

Thorin winced at the words, slowly feeling life and purpose leaving him. How could this be? Everything he held dearly, everything he loved, was bound to leave him. But he could take exile, he was strong, but that was only if he had his Halfling by his side.

"Bil-Bilbo?"

They both cried, never letting go, until at some point in the night they fell asleep.

Next day was worse. Bilbo knew he'd have to leave. None of them had told their families what they did every night, who they met, their families didn't even know they didn't sleep in their rooms, it wasn't like Thorin could get to the Mountains with a hobbit and present him as his lover, nor Bilbo to his parents in the Shire. It was inevitable.

They spent four more nights together, before Bilbo left, and they took full advantage of it.

On the night before Bilbo left, Thorin gave him a beautiful vest with intricate patterns and of a beautiful bright yellow.

"I made it for you. So that you will shine forever like the sun, my love"

The heart broken tone filling Thorin's tongue made Bilbo's break further, and he could only collapse into his Dwarf.

Bilbo said good bye to Thorin and left him behing, on Bag End, leaving his life and heart as well.

-  
Though it wasn't enough, they at least had adresses they could write each other to, though not too frequent, birds only did them small favours in exchange of shelter on stormy nights, but they weren't their messengers!

Thorin's letters grew darker, and the Hobbit couldn't help but think that Thorin had changed so much in this past time. He knew if they met again, he would probably not recognise him entirely. He knew he had changed as well, his own mood souring, and becoming antisocial.

In one letter, a few years after not receiving a single one, Thorin talked to Bilbo about war and loss. He had grown to become a warrior, and he needed to defend his family's honour. He went to a war to reclaim a long lost Dwarven Kingdom, only to lose even further when his grandfather and brother fell. The letter was cut short after this declaration and Bilbo sobbed for his beloved and his family.

The next letter that came, talked about wandering, and two little babies, and about more and more loss. His father disappearing, his sister succumbing to sadness and her heart giving up too. The only thing holding Thorin together were the two dwarflings left to his care and the knowledge that Bilbo was out there loving him in the distance.

Bilbo didn't know what could hold him together anymore. His family was there, sure, but not really, it hadn't, for a very long time.

Many years went by, some with no letters and only distant memories that were more bitter than sweet, and an image of a young Dwarf that had stolen his heart all those years ago. Bilbo often wondered what Thorin would look like now. Would his beard look longer? Would it be braided? And he asked himself if Thorin would want to see him just as much as Bilbo wanted to see him. Maybe they could meet? And marry? Nothing stopped them, they could leave their people and live a peaceful life, maybe in a Men village, with the two dwarflings, Bilbo didn't mind, Thorin loved them dearly, so also would Bilbo.

So Bilbo, heart pounding hard against his chest, wrote this to Thorin. What he got back was not only a downright "NO", but also a revelation that left Bilbo feeling smaller than ever.  
Thorin was a prince. Of, course, that would explain lots, but still. A prince. In love with a Hobbit, one of the most absurd creatures in Middle Earth.  
Bilbo understood why Thorin couldn't leave all behind, he had a duty with his people, responsibilities to fulfill, the roll of a father to play, but that didn't mean Bilbo wouldn't be heart broken about it.

So he kept to himself, nothing could draw him out of his darkest nightmare. He knew he would never get Thorin back.  
He stopped sending letters, and Thorin stopped trying to get answers to his. This killed Bilbo, but he was just a Hobbit, and Thorin was a King.

Bilbo was 50 and he felt much older. His arms and legs felt like a burden, and he only moved out of habit. His mother and father had died a few years ago and the poor Hobbit felt that his own death was close, but he didn't fear it at all.

"You are getting too thin, Bilbo" said Brim worriedly, looking skinny himself.

"We all do, don't we?"

"Come, eat with me, it's been long since our last shared meal"

Bilbo walked to his brother and sat next to him, not really paying attention to his actions, eating as if someone else was controlling his numb body.

"What's troubling you, brother?"

He let out a sour laugh. What was troubling him? Well, life, to put it out simple.

"Nothing and everything, Brim. Isn't that troubling us all these days, and the past and future ones as well?"

Brim grimmaced. "Bilbo, you are my brother, and I love you, even if we share but a good morning nowadays, and you don't know this, but I've seen you grow darker, and miserable, and I've seen the light your eyes once held turn off. It looks as if you were dead. And that scares me, because you, little brother, always gave me courage, you always were happy, even in the grimmest days"

Bilbo's heart, or what was left of it, sank. It was true. He hadn't thought about what his mood made to his beloved ones. All he had left was Brim, and he hadn't thought that all Brim had left, was his little brother, who wasn't really with him anymore.

"I am sorry, brother, for the fear I've caused in your heart, I haven't been like this on purpose. It is true that I've been in the worst mood, that I haven't been of much help to you. And I beg your forgiveness. I-"

Bilbo's voice broke and Brim looked at him alarmed.

"Bilbo!What is it, brother?"

"I lost my heart, my love, my life, years ago. I left them back next to the Lhûn River, inside of Bag End."

He was crying, and Brim was eyeing him confused.

"Bilbo, you. Do you mean, you, loved someone?"

"He was my everything brother, he was the reason for my happiness in those moments when it could be found nowhere."

"Who was he?"

"Thorin, son of Thráin, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain. And he loved me back. And we were happy."

Brim could only hugg his brother tight, and soothe him, and cuddle with him until he was asleep. Brim loved his brother, and he worried for him. So he was gonna try to make him happy, if only for a little while.

"Good morning Bilbo!" Many days after, Brim looked cheerful, and Bilbo eyed him suspiciously.

"Good morning, Brim"

"It's almost your birthday, little one!"

"I know Brim." Bilbo moaned into his wheat. He didn't like the reminder of getting older without Thorin there to mock him about it.

"I have a present for you"

"You do?"

"Yes. Remember Hamfast Gamgee?"

"I do"

"Well, I wrote him in a letter in which I told him that we wanted dearly to go visit our old friends and probably terrorize a Sackville-Baggins or two, and he said we were welcomed in his house for as many days as we wanted! We have a few to spare, Bilbo, what say you!?"

Bilbo's throat closed for a second and he choked. Hot tears filled his eyes. Panting for air he turned to see his brother.

"The Shire?"

"Aye!"

Bilbo's heart thrummed and he knew Brim could listen to it, judging by his smile.

"Well...when are we leaving?"

They left three days after the splendid news, asking their good neighbour to care for their small house while they were gone, promising their boss they'd work extra when they returned. They'd built a name there, and were well respected hobbits.

They travelled for two days before getting to Bree, where they stayed for one night and went at the first sun ray in the sky. Bilbo was shivering and couldn't make words come out of his mouth. He didn't really know if Thorin still lived in the Blue Mountains, he knew nothing of the Dwarf, he had cut his correspondence long ago. And all Bilbo had was hope.

The arrived to Hamfast's hole and were very well welcomed by all their old friends. They were received with a small feast to their names and their parent's honour. Bilbo spent all the time wrecked with nerves and he still couldn't hold a conversation that involved answers longer that "yes" or "no".

"Bilbo Baggins!" said an old voice behind him. A tall man, with the longest beard Bilbo had seen, grey as his robes, and a pointed hat, was smilling warmly at him and Bilbo fidgeted under his gaze.

"Um, hello"

"Bilbo, you are a complete mess my boy!"

Bilbo fummed. Well, anyone would look this way if they had...Well.

"I don't believe we've met, sorry."

"But, Bilbo, we have, you just don't remember! I'm Gandalf!"

Rapid flashbacks went through his head and yes, there he was, the tall Wizard, sometimes babysitting him and Brim when times had been easier, smoking from his pipe, eating the delicious swee roll his mother made.

"Gandalf the Grey! Pardon me, Gandalf, I haven't been quite myself lately and often forget far too many things!"

Gandalf gave him a weird look, as if he knew all that Bilbo had gone throug. But he obviously didn't. They chatted for a while, Gandalf telling him of everything that had happened in the world, of evil and good, and darkness and light. Bilbo wanted to ask him about his Dwarf, for he was sure Gandalf would know, but he stopped himself and instead, asked about what his mother had been like as a child.

Bilbo wanted to go to the Lhûn. He really did. But once there, what was he to do? Scream his lungs out hoping they would reach Thorin in the Mountains? Going there himself and ask for the Prince?

No, instead, he sat on the grass of the Shire, gathering memories of a life that seemed like it belonged to someone else. He spent two days sitting on the same spot, ignoring what was going on around him. Gandalf had had a private meeting with Brim, asking him about the grim mood of Bilbo, and Brim couldn't help but to tell Gandalf about Thorin, at which the wizard was very impressed indeed. _Weel, that explains really too much_

He disappeared for an entire day, and when he returned, he sat next to Bilbo on the grass offering him his pipe.

"Bilbo, my dear boy, I remember you as the most cheerful Hobbit that ever set foot on Middle Earth, and seeing you this way makes my faith and hopes shatter, so please, as a favour to an old and dear friend, walk to Lhûn River, and wait there."

"Wait for what, Gandalf?" Bilbo had listened to the Wizard intently, but he hadn't understand a word he had said.

"It's your birthday, isn't it?" He chukled, and left.

_Blasted Wizard!_ and yet, he was already up and on his way to the shore, not able to stop his feet. He was nervous and felt as if he would get sick. All the way, his surroundings were in a haze and he couldn't make out the path in front of him, but he knew it was the right one. And his heart nearly stopped.

The wood looked old and rotten in some parts, and the painting was almost gone because of the sun. The sails were dusted and almost turning into dust themselves. The "Bag End" was half gone. It seemed like that man had never needed a boat.

He climbed inside his boat, and caressed the soft wooden walls, painfully remembering all the thing this boat had witnessed.

"Too many things, too little time"

He cried. Of course he did, damn anyone who would think less of him for crying.

He stayed there for a while, expecting something-someone, who he knew wouldn't come. He wanted to cling to all those moments they had had, he wanted to leave on his boat, never return, die by himself in the middle of the sea.

He turned around to head back to the Shire and beg to Brim that they left.

"Oh!"

He crashed into a hard chest. A tall figure against the sun was being hardly pressed to him. He couldn't breathe, but it wasn't because of the embrace, for it was tender even if it was rough. No, it was because he knew this embrace just too well. He knew the heartbeat against his ear as if it was his own. He knew the way the chest grew with each breath.

He knew the smell, that _oh thank Eru_ was the same after all this time.

He knew the rumble inside of said chest and the raspy chuckles causing it.

"Bilbo!"

_Thorin_His Thorin.

When they broke apart Bilbo couldn't believe his eyes. Standing tall and proud, eyes never parting his, black and heavy bags under them, but with a beautiful smile reaching them both and filling Bilbo with life and sweet air. Long dark beard and grey strands of hair starting to paint the black mane. Blue, even more than the Lhûn's waters, the Dwarf's eyes were telling him that even if they had changed, and everything was different, he was the same young Dwarf he once was, for him, for Bilbo.

"Thorin!"

"I thought that you were-Gandalf said-you stopped writing-Oh Bilbo!"

And he crashed his lips to Bilbo's, making up for the all that lost time. They hadn't forgotten how the other tasted, and welcomed the new flavors added with years, every new concavity matching new and old convexities, breaths meant to be taken away by the other. They both claimed then and there what belonged to them, and with soft moans and rough yet tender strokes, they promised they would never be parted again, not ever, for one did not work, nor lived, without the other.

El Fin.


End file.
